Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
