I'm jealous of your bromance
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
