So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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