What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
