Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
