what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
