Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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