i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He passed out mid-signature
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
