Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
