I will die if light touches me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dick very happy bro
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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