She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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