don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
