I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
