I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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