o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well you can't waste a boner
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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