here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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