So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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