she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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