My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
