I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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