If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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