I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
