apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
