I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
