Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
