8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
