Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
