this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
