Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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