she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
