Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
