Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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