in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
