I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
