In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
