well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
