So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
