i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
