about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
