I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
