if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
