he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
