Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
