You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
