i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
