you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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