You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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