his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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