I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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