; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
