if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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