This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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